Forgiveness is not amnesia....

That was it… I was back again to zero… all along I thought I was all over it… over him…. That moment proved me wrong..


Recalling the time when I told my family about husband leaving us… I first called mom and ate in the room.. dad was looking at us with a questioning look. I said girl’s talk… ofcourse I had to start with the girls and I’ll just let mom tell the guys.. I didn’t know where to start then.. I was afraid of my mom’s reaction. Our family is a close knit one and there were no broken homes within the clan.. I’ve laid down all the cards, poured my emotions to my hearts content…… after that we were all crying… but you know what hurts the most… it was the pain that I saw in my mom’s eyes, she was hurting for me…. I couldn’t take it.. I was so guilty putting my mom in that kind of situation, giving her that kind of emotion….

Now.. I was faced with the same dilemma.. how I could I tell my family that husband had another child… though it was something that I was actually expecting but knowing it actually happened and seeing it happened was painful… I then realized that I was not ready for it…

I actually printed the childs photo and showed it to mom.. i said it was husband’s son, mom hugged me tight as if saying its ok and that everything’s gonna be fine… she hid the picture and did not discuss about it anymore… I also asked her not to mention anything to daughter until such time when she is ready to understand…

I did gave forgiveness to husband and her long before, but the pain still is there and the hurting remains…….

Afterall, Forgiveness is not amnesia…