pain unexpected

I thought then that finally I’ve come to forgive and forget… it has been a few years after loosing husband. That was in year 2002. Daughter and I just went on with our lives having each other, getting strength from one another. We would occasionally see husband, or shall I say a once a year occasion. My in-laws would make it a point that we visit them once a year, we cannot say no because the invitation would come with the plane tickets already… Well, I never did broke the tie with my loving in-laws, they would always extend constant phone calls and gifts for my daughter. I felt that somehow they were trying to fill in the spaces that was supposed to be for husband. The once a year meet up never did help us in bridging the gaps, we were there pretending not to see each other, he would not go to a room where I was and he will not eat with the family until I was with them… At first, it was a painful encounter and everyone around us would feel the tension but through the years I’ve learned to control my emotions and just go along with the flow as all his relatives would tell me.. They’ve all been very supportive and caring..


MIL would always update me of what ‘s happening with husband’s life, I never did have the heart to stop her because I know that she was hoping that somehow things would be well again between husband and I… In June 2005, we visited them to attend the wedding of BIL, ofcourse, husband was there. It was the usual deadmahan between us(anyway it would only last for a week)..

By July , when we were back in Manila, I’ve learned about a social networking called friendster, one of my friends invited me to join. Said that it was fun and that I will be able to connect with old friends…. I was searching for friends when I felt the need to see if husband has an account. So, the usual, I’ve searched for his name and whalllahhh… the results showed his account but with a baby picture on it… the caption read “Bi----- at 4”….. I felt numb… it was the same feeling I had, when he said that he’ll leave us…..

My world suddenly crashed again, my visions became blurred and tears just started rolling….... I felt the pain so intense…. My heart torn in pieces….

He had another child, with her.

How could he father another child when he was never a father to our daughter........