loosing love

Those were the longest nights of my life, a week of crying and asking myself where i had gone wrong.. I did not stop working by the way, i had to keep myself busy, i had to turn my attention on something otherwise i might loose it... the building where i work has a loft on the 9th floor, during break time or every time i would feel depressed i would go up there and just cry and cry myself out....and after office i would ride a jeep and cry myself out till i reach home not minding the other passengers who would occasionally glance at me... i also had to cry silently and privately at the middle of the night coz i'm avoiding that i would wake up somebody else.. i had no one during those times but myself, i could not tell my friends nor my family what had happened,i could not tell them yet. only my officemates knows what i was going through at those times i'm so thankful that they were very understanding of my situation...

It was only after a week that husband decided to see me.. he was like a stranger already.. he was still seeing the girl according to him and he has no intention of leaving her... he even blamed me for what he has done. he said that i had pushed him to find someone else.. he blamed me for not giving him enough attention.. he blamed me for not loving him as much as the girl was loving him... those words killed me over and over again... as if he had stubbed my heart a million times...

Remembering all these scenes makes me feel the hurt again... Ofcourse, again i begged, for the second time i begged for him not to leave... i begged him not to leave me and our daughter...i did not get any answer.. After that night he stayed with a relative and i was like a fool who followed him wherever he went, i would always call him and asked him where he was or where he's going...i was tryng to save a marriage and a family...i asked him to see our daughter for the hope that he will change his mind... but i guess he was really not meant to stay.

The next day, he said goodbye to Erica. She was just a year old and she didn't know that that day could be the last day that she will ever see her dad again... Husband carried her and hugged her, it was a very painful sight... i was holding back my tears while watching them... How could he leave us just like that.. How could he leave our daughter behind... Where did all the love go, the promises of love and of a good life together... He started walking and never looked back...